Was I there...

Jun 19, 2013 5:00AM

Was I there…

The wind swept over the fields and my view was obscured slightly by the large oak tree situated on the side of the sanitarium I called home. Auvers-sur-Olse, France is a beautiful location surrounded by wheat covered fields, now green and moving like vast waves of water as the wind sweeps through the hills.

I was suffering inside where the doctors could not see, within those places where explanations were not given. Hiding, hiding, and safe within; until it showed up. Love.

Love, just a word till now. I was invincible to its wild flights and wanton disregard of self-respect.

Ha ha, I often laughed at the foolish friends who endeavored to keep up with its mindless antics. Stumbling about without regard to their surroundings. Who were the people I knew, who were the strangers who held sway over their common sense.

Love, bites deeply and winds easily within those places whereby the heart will not free even self. Hate love, try it, and the madness - or, is it a spiritual blessing finally realized, sometimes too late for some.

The breeze felt wonderful, cooling and sweet. I lay my bread, grapes, and cheese out, of course, the wine and a small bottle of absinthe. Grinning, that stuff is good. It was what it took to keep me pursuing my craft. Not that it had much meaning any more. The strain, the hidden, the multiple dodges within myself.

The gun slid from beneath the false drawer of my artists’ paint box. I felt happiness now, seemingly a grim determination to make my statement. I lay the danger before me, beside the grapes more as a homage to my salute to the wonders of this life and looking forward to escaping the pain of love.

Bees drawn to the smell of the grapes gave me a moments distraction and sweeping them away the grapes fell upon the gun. I did pause as I worked the grapes free from the trigger…a blast shook me from my senses and I awakened. A friend was looking at me speaking faintly, and I smiled weakly in the gathering darkness. “Vincent, why.”