Text by Bjarne Melgaard
What more to say about things when I know you call me at five in the morning and can't move in your bed and I really don't mind being awaken so early from you. I am waiting for another phone call from you and I can hear in your voice that you are much clearer and more aware than before. I love our talks, especially at night. We always had long conversations in the night about all kinds of stuff for many years and still need them. I need you and you can't leave me because of this accident that has no apparent connection with sexuality but which is assumed to be motivated by the force of the sexual instinct.
After you were found lying paralyzed and unconscious in the living room, he knew that this condition was caused by a way to explain it as just high blood pressure but I cannot wonder of the last 20 years of hell you endured also was in a way the only logical outcome of a situation that was just getting worse and worse. Why did you let it go on for so long? My love for you is endless, but I still ask myself those questions before our daily phone calls every day. And true friendship also means that you need to be there for your friend too, that you also have to sacrifice things and let things you maybe wanna do left undone. But friendship is not a compromise, its something you do for the other person because you love them so much you also can live easy with a friend’s less good sides. Nobody is perfect, but in a friendship you have to really set aside your contempt and fear for your friend to stay loyal and dignified.
There were also times when I truly remember you as really happy and funny and you seemed like you loved each other. Other times I remember how cruel and mean you were to each other. I guess that’s what must have happened to you. What were your symptoms that caused you to lie paralyzed in a hospital bed without any way to move or stand. It was as the penalization should have happened years ago because how could all of it go on for so long? And what did you benefit from just making each other’s life a hell.All fashion victims have a right to die. Giorgio Moroder: “And the highest mountain is the one that you have climbed.” Sentiments of occasions were its just right here right now.The compulsion to repeat is the one that also constitutes really deep friendship. You have only one or two friends in your whole life.Nobody is perfect, but in a friendship you have to really set aside your contempt and fear for your friend to stay loyal and dignified.There were also times when I truly remember you as really happy and funny and you seemed like you loved each other. Other times I remember how cruel and mean you were to each other.All the crazy fights and all the arguments and blame you put on each other would be unbearable to anybody else participating in something like this. And it one day would leave you in a wheelchair? The spread of psychoanalysis has given this expression wide currency today, as it has come to be applied not only to the field of the neuroses but also to that of organic illnesses where a psychological factor can be shown to be the present.
You speak about the future and you don't want to live like you have done. I promised to do anything to help her. And him. That’s what love is about, a complete surrender to the other’s needs and questions. I don't know how to answer you when you ask me about the future because as it looks now it could mean anything. And it usually does. And all I want is to make you feel as safe and comfortable as possible. We went to the end and back again and we made it. To have a family is the most important thing to have. Without that, we are nothing. It took many years before I would forgive you for all the stuff you done but at a time and place all you can do is just to look this person in the face and say “Let’s start over!" and leave a past behind we all regret.And I will need to be away for longer periods of time and I will miss my love here too, but it never seems like things work in the same direction and just make life a easy game to just play out at other people’s expense. I love you so much...